Emma's stuck inside the computer - get her out!

Just been taken totally by surprise by my first Skype videocall. Emma called from Spain and we were chatting away, when Satchmo got alert and then anxious; climbed on my lap and first stared at the computer, then started trying to nudge random bits each time Emma spoke. I'm sure she preferred seeing bits of Satch's head and neck to a rather washed-out pic of me, anyway.

House(trained) - Doctor Satch to the rescue

Nina tearing her ears wouldn't have been too much of a problem if Satchmo hadn't decided to give them frequent and thorough medical attention. He kept licking them inside and out. Constantly. Unfortunately, hygiene is not his strong point and he still licked them after he'd been drinking from a disgusting-smelling bucket (found out why after; dead fledgeling in it). So, antibiotics for Nina and a lot of shouting 'Leave it' for Satch.

Then I fell over and grazed my hand and knee badly. Satchmo felt he could deal with it much better than a wash and a plaster - but in this case I decided to disagree strongly. Got to wear trousers to keep him away from my knee. He sniffs it though - makes me feel as if I have a very smelly knee.

Normal service is resumed

Sorry for the long gap. I surprised myself in June by resigning from my job as CEO of 2 companies after 19 years. Just finished a couple of weeks ago. It disrupted life in many ways and, strangely, took my attention away from the dog blog. Was it a clever move? Tell you in 6-12 months...

Nina's in the wars again. She seems to sense when I've posted off some show entries. She hasn't been shown since early Sept 2009. I had entered her for a few more last autumn, but she ripped another bit out of herself. I've been focused on Satchmo since then, but I took both to the Companion Dog Show at Berkeley Show and she moved so nicely (winning open and best movement) that I thought I'd show her again a bit. So now she's ripped both ears (inside and out) on brambles. Found them and cut them down (no, silly, the brambles). Inevitably, by far the most noticeable scar is on the ear nearest the judge. Still, let's see how she gets on.

(She's snoring at the moment. Why do the bitches snore and the dogs not??)

Still a leather fetishist

Remember the blog about Satch and his leather fetish (early May)? Well, it's still going on. He's now removed a total of three collars from Max, eaten the leather and left the buckle/chain/dog tag or whatever. I'm only relieved that he must chew them into small pieces; I was not looking forward to helping 20 inches of leather out of his bottom. Max is now sporting a fetching multicoloured fabric collar.

Oh, and he had a go at one of my rather lovely pale blue shoes that I bought in the states. I think I can just about still wear it. I'm very well aware that he thinks suede is potentially even more tasty and generally sensually appealling than ordinary leather, as he keeps licking my suede shoes, but so far he hasn't got any further than that (as far as I know).

Satch the Elizabethan dandy

Poor Satchmo got a little histiocytoma (benign lump) on the inside of his elbow. As he was worrying it and making it raw, the vet nipped it off and put in 2 layers of stitches. Next day ... top layer of stitches gone. Back to the vet for staples. Lasted till Monday. By then the bit he'd worked the staples out from was infected. So, the elizabethan collar came into play. He was a very good boy and let me put it on, but was then scared, unsurprisingly. I walked round the garden with him before bed to encourage him to wee, but he wouldn't, so I resigned myself to a puddle on the floor overnight. But no, nothing the next morning and he still wouldn't pee. It was eventually at least 14 hours and then he peed like a horse.

It was impossible not to laugh as he ran for the door and then - boof - shot back at least six inches as the collar hit the door frame and proved action and reaction really are equal and opposite. Amazing how quickly he got the hang of it though. Not sure how much good it did as I caught Max licking the wound for him several times. All well now.

Another funny thing was that, when I took him for the op, I also took Nina for a day with some other dogs. When I picked her up, I was told she wouldn't play and wouldn't even eat treats; was just quiet and sad. Could this be because I took her son to the vet and left him there? She was fine once she got home and saw he was OK. Bet she kicked herself afterwards for missing out on the treats.

Satchmo the narcissus

Came back from a trip abroad and Satch stuck to me like glue. I went upstairs to unpack and he came too. I looked up from the suitcase to find him stood with his front paws on the dressing table stool, studying himself very seriously in the mirror. How cute is that?

World's most expensive hand job?

Well, I made an appointment for Max to have semen taken for storage and later AI. He's still very fit at almost 13, clear of all the main genetic diseases, beautifully proportioned and a perfect gentleman.

So, I was at my neighbour's a few days before and said I was taking him for a very expensive hand job. Her teenage son's friend immediately asked if he could come too. We both pointed out that he probably didn't need to pay that much. My friend asked how they do it and I said, "I'll tell you after Friday." Lots of jokes about needing to take doggie magazines, plus ciggies and whisky for after.

So, I took Max up to Malvern and we queued behind 7 bloodhounds. (Didn't realise how huge they are. And how dribbly.) I was slightly perturbed to hear that semen had only been succesfully taken from 1. I thought, "No problem for Max, he's all over Nina and she's not even in season."

Anyway, we went in and there was this sweet little collie bitch standing there patiently as the teaser. Then it became clear what the problem was. She was way past her peak of season. Max was interested in the room, the people ... anything except the bitch. Even lifting her tail and sticking his nose there did nothing. I did discover the way they do it ... just exactly the normal way, except with a latex glove. She commented that Max has one testicle slightly larger than the other. I know this and take a photo of his back end every couple of months to make sure it's not getting any bigger. I told her that I have a folder on my PC called 'Max's back end' where the photos are, and she said my friend's son's friend would probably want to be in there too. Guffaws of laughter from both of us. Very surreal having a chatty conversation with the vet across Max's back as he was being, well, wanked. Complete waste of time, and still cost me £50, but an interesting experience.